Cross Border Terrorism – Take – 1

 (disclaimer : If you find this boring, blame OG and not me… I am at wits end how to make this funny and its a lame attempt to pass on this tag… boy living up to this jester tag is going to be much more difficult than it sounded… )

 

Now that Manmohan Singh (MMS) government has gathered nice majority and no hitches await them they have decided to take things into hand and go full on on all issues. One of the most irritant issue for MMS is the cross border terrorism and he has vowed to stop it. MMS is open for suggestions and is looking at innovative solutions coz the war is ruled out…

 

War is ruled out not only with Pakistan but also with POK… and the terror camps there… Why you may ask… but you are naive… dont u know… that war on the terror camps in POK could easily escalate into a rendezvous with Pakistan. 

 

India is a developing nation & it cannot have war coz it would mean hinderance to the progress… How can the aam aadmi be stopped from sipping coke and munching pop corn in the multiplex… How can we have wars when our corporates are expanding left right and centre… we cannot afford a war… no way… !!!! We can obviously allow a few innocents to be killed… but we cannot risk a war…  ( Do you think this is that simple… at home if we see a termite hill developing near our house… we destroy the hill and try and disperse the termites so that they dont enter our house… but this is not that simple… is it ? )

 

Eventually Dr Dhurandar Bhatavdekar a secret official whose specialises in so many fields that he is now general in all… his name even the opposition doesnt know, he always works under cover for III ( Indian Intelligence Inc.) he is finally summoned and he comes out to MMS and gives his proposal.

 

He says these terrorists are highly motivated and they are not afraid of dying…. what we need is to give them some sort of diversion… Now that we have decided we cannot have war with them…  We thought if we can infiltrate the circle of the mujahideens and the other terrorists we can divert them and change their motivations…

 

MM S : Change their motivation ?? Infiltrate ?? what are you talking about..

Bhatavdekar (checks his mobile, smiles and types something and turns to MMS ) : Infiltrate…. meaning our man is sent into their territory in their team under…

MMS (snaps) : I know what infiltrate means… tell me how ???

Bhatavdekar : We will send our Mushayra team there and a few of them will stay back and work their way through the network of the ISI or the terrorists… whatever… if they need we can give our intelligence inputs… but i would suggest we leave it to them and let them build their own intelligence..

MMS : We have cut ties with them… but well time has passed since 26/11 … so public memory and rage both have mellowed down and yea we can send a mushayra team… No one cares…

Bhatavdekar (again looks into his mobile ) : Excuse me sir.. I just need to reply to a message.

MMS : You stop that mobile… I m the PM !! Stop it…

Bhatadekar (relucantantly switching off his mobile) :  Yes exactly sir… see even you spoke a while back with Zardari etc… why ?? coz time has passed… yes nothing changed but time has passed.. so now we can have dialogue till another such bout happens… then we again go on non-talking terms…  ( when will we do something other than this )

 MMS : No we want to ensure this time everything has to stop… we must stop this… and I am determined… now tell me how will you divert their motivation…

Bhatavdekar : Do you know the latest addiction in the world these days ???

MMS : What ?? is that what you have in mind ????????

Bhatavdekar : Blogging…

MMS : Blogging ??? That Amitabh writes that na… from his room at midnight… that Aamir writes to fight with SRK… that RGV writes… that…???? that will help us encounter cross border terrorism ???? This sounds insane…. How ? but how will this help us….

Bhatavdekar : yes… Sir, research has shown that once a man is smitten by the blogging world… he becomes obsessed with posting and putting gadgets on his page… he becomes obsessed with the number of visitors on his blog and all he cares about is who all visited and from where… Further more he gets obsessed with people visiting his page and commenting and he responds to those comments… it doesnt matter to him if he hasnt eaten or if his coffee goes cold… once smitten he will even forget that his ass fell asleep….

Further more… Once smitten he becomes so much more coochi cooo than in real life…. he becomes more mellowed… more thoughtful of his own acts…. he starts questioning things he earlier used to ignore…  than to get more and more comments he goes to more and more blogs and makes more and more comments… but the best thing is that he will get so obsessed that he will try and encourage everyone that he knows to start a blog… and thats how we spread the virus… just like Vampires… each blogger will infect more… and we will have blogging spreading in the terror ranks…

MMS : and how will we do this ??

Bhatavdekar : sir we will send some of these bloggers… with the mushayra team… we just have to find a few who are doing some sort of shayari and are funny enough to hold the interest of the terrorists… they will take a lil time initially… but once they inflict their blogging virus in one of the terrorists… it will spread faster than swine flu…. the terrorists will start insisting on laptops and broadband… the terrorist funders will have to spend more on computers than on guns… more on bytes than bombs…. !!!!

MMS : are you sure… what are the possibilities of success of this mission…

Dhurendar Bhatavdekar : sir why do you think i m checking my mobile every 5 seconds…

MMS : wat you are a blogger too…. ????

Bhatavdekar: sir I am badly addicted… and I have personal experience… !! It hooks u like nothing…… 

MMS : Is that why you got divorce… ????

Bhatavdekar (trying to look away) : There were lots of different issues… errr sir, lets keep personal things out of here…

MMS : err… okay what are the risks… ??

Bhatavdekar : nothing… no risk at all…

MMS : ahem… okay…  well do you have any personnel in mind ??

Bhatavdekar : I know one guy…. he is perfect , he will help us recruit the rest…

MMS : who …

Bhatavdekar : He…

**suddenly lights go off**

Ding Ding Ding Dinga Ding DingaaaaDing…. ( Okay its the james bond jingle but it sounds better okay… )  

His religion is Blasphemy….

His passion is eating….

He is a saggitarian like Bertie Wooster….

He is well conversant with Trivandrum Slang Malyalam..

 

MMS (breaks in) : What ??? the terrorists dont speak Malyalam… !! they speak urdu we need hindi speaking… !!!!

Bhatavdekar (unperturbed) : Not to worry… actually when he will swear they wont understand a word… its a plus point… just trust me on this… !!!!

Where were we…. let the music play…

Ding Ding Ding Dinga Ding DingaaaaDing…. (Now you can hum it na…)   

His religion is Blasphemy….

His passion is eating….

He is a saggitarian like Bertie Wooster….

He is well conversant with Trivandrum Slang Malyalam..

He is a follower of Carvaka School of materialism…

He uses words like Kallippu, Jangos, Akkare and what not without a sweat….

He is if you havent yet realised….

ORDINARY GUY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

—————————————————————————-

 

The curtains drop…. part-1 ends… part-2 at Aram+Aram=Kinnaram

 

He isnt ordinary, he is an EOG ( extra ordinary guy ) as crafty said… I termed him SOG (superstar ordinary guy) …

 

and all my votes were for you OG you know that… So I cant let you out of this… I have just made the script beginning … its well not so hahalarious yet…. but now you can take it further… and you can further tag some one and we can stretch this epic… keep on building the madness….  or you can finish the epic yourself or anything…. no rules… u play ahead… I nominate you…..

 

(Beta if you thought I would let you get away so easily… think again… :evil:  :mrgreen: ) he he he…

 

No no… no crying foul…..

p.s. I m sure you will do one heck of job with this… your imagination is simply kidilan AAliyaaaa…. !!

 

For those who do not understand Malyalam… read : your imagination is simply jhakkas saale…. !! and no more translations… I m done… now waiting for part-2 !!!!!!!!

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122 thoughts on “Cross Border Terrorism – Take – 1

  1. ROFL dhiru bhai!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    classic!!!!!!!!!! only you could have written this……… true dhiru bhai style……..

    and you have very nicely passed on the tag to me………… hahahahahahahaha :P

    thanks for voting for me dost, seriously, I also voted for your post on fatherhood……….
    but the better guy won in the end :P :P :P

    yes yes, lemme work on this tag now :P :P

    1. boss i was totally at wits end and just coudnt conjure up something funny… but this had to be long and only one man’s brain in the end would suck… so two is better than one… !!

      and by the way the better guy didnt win… the more charming guy won….

      dont you see so many female bloggers !!!!! :P :P :P

            1. I’m always around to support you! Even though I still haven’t read the full post!!!!!!

              *running before Hitchy comes after Pixie with bat in hand!*

  2. LOL at “SHAH (unperturbed) : Not to worry… actually when he will swear they wont understand a word… its a plus point… just trust me on this… !!!!”

    ROFL!!!!!!!!!

  3. LOL.. that was some cross border terrorism..

    and MMS for PM…. wit tills he finds you… and sends u cross border..!! :P lol

    sabse bada HIT tho yeh tha..!!!

    “Once smitten he becomes so much more coochi cooo than in real life”

    So u have become much more coochi cooo than in real life???? hahhaa..

  4. yes… Sir, research has shown that once a man is smitten by the blogging world… he becomes obsessed with posting and putting gadgets on his page… he becomes obsessed with the number of visitors on his blog and all he cares about is who all visited and from where… Further more he gets obsessed with people visiting his page and commenting and he responds to those comments… it doesnt matter to him if he hasnt eaten or if his coffee goes cold… once smitten he will even forget that his ass fell asleep….
    ROFL!!!!

    err ermm does this have any resemblance to the author of this post? :mrgreen:

  5. Further more… Once smitten he becomes so much more coochi cooo than in real life…. he becomes more mellowed… more thoughtful of his own acts….

    I uh hate to break this to you Mr Bhatavedekar but his is clearly a delusion :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

    and thats how we spread the virus… just like Vampires… each blogger will infect more… and we will have blogging spreading in the terror ranks…

    ROFL!!
    vampires???
    VAMPIRES?? :P :P
    never saw bloggers in this light precisely :D

    sir we will send some of these bloggers… with the mushayra team… we just have to find a few who are doing some sort of shayari and are funny enough to hold the interest of the terrorists…
    err I think just one Dhirenbhai will be anough :D :D :lol:

            1. charlie chaplin??

              uhh much as I love this opportunity to pulll your leg(with ammunition provided by you :D ) but this pic aint like Charlie Chaplin :P

              you?certainly! :mrgreen:

              pic ? no :P

              1. hehehehehehehehe :P indy madam, you are always ready to pounce on anything I say :P

                yeah yeah, you will need all the ammo for the war!!!! :P

                the charlie chaplin can turn into “Jack the ripper” as well :P :P :mrgreen:

  6. His religion is Blasphemy….

    His passion is eating….

    He is a saggitarian like Bertie Wooster….

    He is well conversant with Trivandrum Slang Malyalam..

    He is a follower of Carvaka School of materialism…

    He uses words like Kallippu, Jangos, Akkare and what not without a sweat….

    He is if you havent yet realised….

    ROFL!!
    OG what a description of you!! :lol:
    Impressive though!:D

    Are you sure the terrorist wont run away after seeing all the pie charts and graphs? :lol:

    they will be sitting scratching their heads… :lol:

    Not to worry… actually when he will swear they wont understand a word… its a plus point… just trust me on this… !!!!

    yes Kidilam post too Dhiren :D :D
    and SOG?
    you are in for it now :lol:

    waiting for part two :D

    How cleverly Dhiren has passed it on to you!
    LOL!! :D

    1. Those are his own words… lol… he is simply OG !!

      He is going to lead a bandwagon now to Pakistan and the terrorist are going to be infiltrated…

      A bandwagon of bloggers… !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      OMG !!!!!!!!!

  7. Dddding ding ding digaaaaa ding

    Funny stuff and that was smart of you to pass the buck to another jester :) Sure, two brains better than one! Lets see what OG’s got in mind…

    Btw, I was thinking while reading the post, what if the terrorists start reading IHM’s posts??? They’ll certainly be smitten with commenting on her posts on how women are meant to be in Burqa and IHM will also reply comment for comment… Couldn’t help get this thought in my mind…

    he he… Funny post gave me funny thoughts…

    1. Rakesh beta… you might well be in the queue and the buck might be passed on to you… and IHM could very well be in the team of mushayra… groups to be sent to Pakistan… Imagine !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  8. omg!!!!!! ROFLMAO!!! simply kidilan aliyaaa!!!! ;-)
    hahahah and u say its not even funny enuff?? r u mad?? LOL i nearly fell out of my chair laughing so hard….
    cant pinpoint one part that i like the post… too many to count! :D

    waiting eagerly for OG’s part 2… he’s going to fry his brain trying to make it imaginative!!!

        1. :P :P …. some solace… first Sol’s almost unnerved me… wasnt sure … but that line reminds me of a friend…

          he would always go for the not so pretty girl… he had his theory they were easier to get… and when they would ask… what do u see in me…

          and he had a standard reply…

          beauty is in the eyes of the beholder… (he was a pucca swine) ha ha ha…

          1. omg! i will never trust men again! :P lol
            P.S.: altho i have to say, any girl (or guy) who keeps on asking “what do u see in me” has a serious sense of inferiority complex/low self-esteem…

                  1. ayai yo… !!

                    i m not insulting dogs… when dogs see bones… their tongue drips… its pretty simple… !!

                    and its not to be related to any individual person… its general classification of male spieces… !!! its just a comical way of looking at things… !!!

                    more discussions on chat please… not in public…

                    This is ruining my reputation… !!!!!!!!

  9. this idea must reach the PM Mr.MMS… it is too good to lose.. hope the terrorists don’t read your blog…. yet.. :-)

    so have you decided the infiltration team.. :-D

    1. Selecting the infiltration team is Og’s herculean task…. let his imagination run riot…. !!!!!!!!!!

      who knows who is going… !!!!!!!!!! :P :P

      but they all will need energy…. hai na… :P

  10. lol..that was hilarious Dhiren..
    Blogging is surely such an addiction. you have work and then in the middle u peep into the blogosphere..read something thr and then u forgot about ur work..
    u r certainly standing up to the awards you won :)
    keep it coming we are here to read.

  11. LOL! =))

    MMS and III, jeez! Creativity at its simplest.

    I loved the conversation between the PM and his chamcha!

    You never know :P Maybe blogging can cure some issues =D

  12. Ding Ding Ding Dinga Ding DingaaaaDing… OMG .. I almost fell off the chair when this came!

    Lovely post.. and I know am looking out for the part deux from OG/ EOG/ SOG

  13. rofl..only dhiru bhai can write this post…
    u know u can actually do this as part time job of writing funny article for some magzine or newspaper :-)

    blogging is such an addiction that blogger mom wait for her daughter to sleep some time so that she can write a post and read such hilarious posts :-)

    1. ae… kya hai yeh…. !! write good things or say bhai… !! dono saath mein nahi…

      wish I could earn out of blogging… that would be sooper na… I can immediately quit this job and get on… with this…

      wish wish and wish… I havent earned a penny and have no clue… about it…

  14. LoL! Dhiren When i first started reading this, i was thinking what is he going on about. I thought it’s meant to be funny. :-P Then when I got near the ending, I couldn’t stop laughing. So I take my words back on sayin it’s “boring.” :-P :-P

    @ OG. Waiting to see what you do with this. ;-)

  15. Oh no, whats happening to this world ???

    You have involved the countrys prime minister also !!! and you maintained his ‘dumb’ sardarji characterisation too !! Btw, Whos next? God ???? :D :D :D

    LOL, send some of the bloggers??? No need. Im sure the bloggers will volunteer themselves !!!

    Happened to read a couple of comments. Are you kidding me? This IS crazy and funny !!! And Im sure OG is going to get even more crazier with the sequel !! LOL !!

    Kalakki aliyaaa, Kalakki ;)

    1. Man you sure know how to boost a man’s ego,… !!

      I hope you know how to deal with females too !!! lol :D :D

      i dont know what kalakki means but I guess its something good… !! lol :P :P

  16. Hahaha long but funny.
    And ek teer se do shikaar…….terrorism ka solution aur OG se badla! waah badhiya hain!

    BTW Dr Dhurandar Bhatavdekar? Is that a real name?

    1. thank god u said funny… but well vimmuuu has given the certificate… !!!!

      Now…. there is no dwesh ki bhavna in my mind… I m not taking badla with OG but I know he will do a great job with this… !! it was his idea and it wouldnt be proper without him.,… !!!!!!!

      U dont know Dhurandar Bhatavdekar… !!!!!!! and u call urself a movie buff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! go figure…

      Blech… u are disqualified… u are now untouchable… !!!!

      1. gee after jumping the gun…

        if u mean he is a real guy no… he is a fictional character

        from a famous movie… and be honest and without google tell me do u know or not ?

  17. Goodness, Hitchy, Can’t stop laughing :) And now you are sending poor OG into the terrorist camp ;) ROFL! How did you come up with this :) I kept this until I had the time to relax and read it – and boy! am I happy :)

    You have characteristized blog mania so well:) As I read this – ‘Bhatavdekar (checks his mobile, smiles and types something ‘ – I was like – oh yeah – I do that too :)
    Perfect solution – of only MMS read this :)

  18. I thot I am getting into some serious stuff on ur blog, Hitch !!! Naaa, I was fooled.

    But done very brilliantly – very neat script. My mind was visually imagining the whole scene and I was very confident that the infilter to Pak was going to be you – even you fit the description best, if I can say so.

    BTW, funny and enjoyed reading the blog and allllll thooooose comments… That shows the blog addict in you !!!

  19. Wokay done with the beginning of the epic..thanks to crafty for sending me all the links am all settled for the day to learn about terrorism tactics and use it upon an unsuspecting soul when he lands home in the evening :)

    It’s hilarious Hitchy and am all eager with wobbling knees to go over and meet this kidillan OG after the intrduction you have given of him.

    PS: Hee I thought I am the only one who has a comatose ass due to Blog addiction.

    1. I was loving all this extra attention… pah… :P :P

      OG the dude is kidilan !!

      lol… guess you figured by now… !!! he he he…

      I just hope this tag doesnt come back to me… and is finished by then…

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