Sniff Sniff….

 

 

On one hand a husband misses his wife when she is away, he writes a few lines to express his feelings, he puts it on his blog, a fair few of the readers go AWWWWWW…. so sweet…. your wife is so lucky…. get her to read it….

 

A devilish few think, its make up for the previous post…. a few think its missing her housekeeping skills…. a few think its the COOK who is being missed… and a few think its laundary that is missed, bill paying remembrances and what not !!!!

 

Deep down though, I know its SHE who is being missed….

 

So you eventually think you have to show her your softer side and get her to read it….. coz the devils must be IGNORED !!

———————————————- Meanwhile ——————————————–

You tell her, “you know what, your the star on my blog ! I even wrote a few lines for you”

She : I am making garma garam roti’s… why dont you sit and eat !

Me : Naa we will sit together…

She : Oh ! god… since you read that lady’s blog, why are you feeling guilty about eating hot chapati’s ! I love feeding you hot chapati’s… you sit… !

Me : I dont feel guilty because of any lady, she only gave me something to think ! Anyways, you gimme a few roti’s I ll eat !!!

She : There you go !

Me : Coming back to the blog, I wrote for you !

She : You want pickle ? (It seems every line i say with the word blog in it doesnt go in her ears)

Me : No.  

Soon after 13 hot hot chapati’s !! my dinner is over !!… I sit and watch as she eats along with my brother and sister in law… (son is at friends house) 

 

the moment she goes to pick up her third roti… I growl… “you didnt come to the park today !! to jog !! “

She : Good for you, you and your Sonam alone… !

Me : that is the last roti…. (quickly i pick up the kaju katli box from the dining table and put it on the refrigerator)

Me : How many times do I tell you dont buy sweets for the house !

She : Its for Hriday !

Me : yea yea tell me…

 

—- Dinner over —-

 

She wants to see some comedy serial, I go towards the laptop and am thinking of connecting to the Internet to check if any comments have come…

She : Dont you dare touch the computer…. sit beside me…. Whole day in office you have no work and you only blog…. at home sit like a good husband…. No need to connect to the internet !  (the tone is crystal clear  & THREATENING ! )

Me (sheepishly smile and revert) : I was just recharging the Ipod for my morning jog….

 

I tamely sit and watch the serial like an obidient pet …. they just scream to make it sound funny but I really cant find it funny.

 

After about 30 minutes of torture… finally its over…. She gives me the remote…. and tells me you can watch what you want… !

 

Immedeatly Star Cricket, and voila ! Highlights of India / Australia Perth Test match…. wow !!! She just hits her head for the cardinal sin she committed…. Its time for her to be the kitten now… !! he he he…

but she won’t be the kitten…. In the house she is the lioness….

 

She : Hey… lets make my poster… ! I have to advertise the Ladakh Trip !

Me : Have you made a draft ?

She : No.

Me : Sorry boss, I wont make it !

She : oh come on ! help me !

Me : Your not helping yourself… why should I ??

She : Come on, I am not good at making posters !

Me : you didnt even try, atleast put the dates, schedules charges in one place and the core message in it… and leave the designing part to me… sorry but you are asking for spoon feeding and I cant do it…. Do you come and make excel sheets & presentations for me in office ???

She : Come on… lets connect the internet, you make the poster and upload it in mail… I ll get a printout from a cyber cafe tomorrow ….

Me : dont disturb… I m watching the highlights…

She : oh… come on…, be a sweetheart and make it, in return,  I’ll also read your blog !!!!

————————-Now Now————————————

 

This is what you get for caring ! for missing ! for appreciating !

I’ll ALSO (?????) read your blog !!!

The blogger in me died a hundred deaths on hearing that line….

I am unconsolable…. sob sob…. My ego has reached the deepest pit… !! sob sob…

*sniff* *sniff*

**cough cough **

*sob sob*

THE TIMES OF FATHERHOOD

 

Being a father is a rather challenging job. At different stages there are different challenges, these days, my son is near his 5th birthday and has well and truly entered his question anything & everything phase and yes, question all the answers TOO ‘phase.

 

No matter what is happening, there always is a why ? When you reply there can be a WHERE ?, WHAT ?, HOW ? or a WHY again. When you are not able to reply again, or you don’t know there is again a WHY ? &  than when you refuse to answer you are told,

“Adha tamne to kai khabar nathi.” (dad you don’t know anything in Gujarati)

When you say Yes, I know nothing,

again,

WHY ?

and than

more questions ..

Didn’t you go to school ?

Didn’t you ask your dad questions ?

Didn’t your mom teach you ?

 

Impossible to beat him eh !

 

Than suddenly the attention will shift to lets do homework. This is one job that somehow I am blessed with, he writes his stuff very very neatly without stopping or pausing, even drawing keeps him occupied and he gets lost in it.

 

 However I am one father who never has any ambitions that my son would become a champ in his studies, I have hated studies all my life and I shall be more than happy if my son also dislikes studies. I don’t want him to come first in the class, ever. I think the first rankers are snobs and no arguments on this.

 

My inner wish is he become India’s fastest bowler ever, and he bounce each and every batsman of the opposing teams, injuring them and giving them the scare of their lives. I have had enough of opposing teams always bouncing our players and hitting them. (however the pitches these days scare me if taking up fast bowling is a wise option).

 

However so far I have not forced him to play cricket, it seems he doesn’t like it, coz when cricket comes he cannot watch his cartoons. This is one area where I and my son cant seem to agree. We fight over the remote, while he used to win always earlier, slowly but surely now he has started to allow me to watch cricket !

 

I at times am sure he will not become a cricketer as my Mom wanted me to study all her life and I never did, she wanted me to be a ranker but never after 5th grade I could manage being in the top 20. However whether he becomes a fast bowler (please son, India needs you) or a leg spinner is not in my hands but to fantasize about it is surely my right !!

 

However I sincerely hope he can be something that he will enjoy doing. Earn while doing something he loves & not something he loathes and I am sorry but it is beyond me how can a person enjoy stiching patients, or making audit reports, or fixing bugs in the computer or machinery or making presentations on excel sheets or by hosting dinners to sell cotton.

 

I am sure fun is in what Sachin, Veeru & Ishant do, in what Bryan Adams or Rehman do, in what Sonu Nigam or Kay Kay do, in what Zakir Hussain does, in what painters or photographers do. Surely fun is in jobs of Rajdeep Sardesai or that guy in the series Man v/s Wild on National Geographic. Surely Chetan Bhagat’s or Veer Sanghvi’s enjoy their work more than me, fun surely is in lives of travel writers, movie critics but it surely is not in offices where you reach after becoming a Doctor or CA or an Engineer.

 

God, I have a tendency of veering away from the subject. However, coming back to some of the few other challenges :

Son : Lets say ABC (alphabets)

Me : Ok, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (that’s easy we say it together)

Son : Adha, A says Apple. Me : rite. Son : B says Banana, C says Chikoo, D says… Adha, which fruit starts from D ??

Me : mmm Dry fruits !!

Son : That is not a fruit, there are so many dry fruits…

Me : Oh… who told you ?

Son : I know

Me : well D se…. (scratching my head) [ Wait dear son, so many people reading my blog, yes readers, will you tell me what fruit starts with a D and a E and a H and a Q and X and Y a Z please…. Urgently needed. ] I am at wits end. No dear readers, its not a for apple, b for ball, c for cat naah not so easy, its fruits starting from each alphabet… these new generation kids I tell you.. All we used to say as kids was  mango, orange, banana, papaya… we didnt even know kiwi fruits existed !  

 

You think a father’s life is easy, think again !!

 

& hey dont you think it ends with just fruits !

No no no…. its not just this…. You also have to name 5 animals/insects/birds with each alphabet. Fruits and vegetables starting with each alphabet.

 

Then ofcourse in between there is translation, wanna know what ???

 

 Ok

 

Son : Adha, What do you call a Hyena in gujarati ?

Me : Zarakh.

Son : Hindi ?

Me : Lakkadbagga.

Son : Kutchi ?

Me : Hriday, I don’t know. ( sometimes he takes, I don’t know as an answer )

Son : Adha what do we call a platypus in gujarati ?

Me : Platypus only, its not an animal found in Gujarat so it doesn’t have a gujarati name.

Son : Don’t just say anything, you don’t know anything.

Son : Adha, what do you call a Dinosaur in Gujarati ?

Me : Hriday, lets stop this, we will sing poems.

Geeee, my life is in an intelligence crisis. Dinosaur in Hindi anyone ?? Platypus in hindi anyone ?? There are more… Walrus, Dugong, Hedgehog ….

 

My parents were really smart to not introduce me to any other animals other than cat, dog, cow, goat, buffalo or lion, tiger, fox, cheetah, elephant… but those damn animal books me and my wife brought thinking of educating him…..

 

We forgot we weren’t qualified enough to get such books.

 

Than suddenly : Son : “Adha, when will we go to see Dinosaurs ?”

Me : Hriday, dinosaurs don’t exist, they all died years ago.

Son : Don’t lie.

Me : Really, one meteor came from the space on the earth and there was a big explosion and the atmosphere got very hot and they all died, now they don’t exist !

Son : waaaaaa….. sob sob…. I want to see Dinosaurs….. (weeping)

 

Boss is this a reason to cry ? Dinosaurs died years ago, what can I do ?? (no matter what, he has to see them he won’t stop wailing if you say the animal is dead.) I am going to kill this Steven Spielberg for making that silly Jurassic movie…. And the channels who keep showing that movie and all the dinosaur cartoons, the kid is obsessed with dinosaurs !!! I don’t know whats with this new generation kids and dinosaurs, can’t they be like us as kids just be happy with the puppy on the roadside or a cat ! If we saw a pet rabbit somewhere we would be as pleased as punch.

 

This new generation wants a T-rex as a pet !!!!!!! No matter what you tell him he will not stop, eventually ok ok, they exist in Africa and we will go to Africa and see them.

 

Son : When will we go to Africa ?

Me : Son, we don’t have a passport so we cannot go now.

Son : When will we get a passport ?

Me : Son, we have to go to Bharuch for that, our residence proof is there.

Son : But we live in Indore ! Me : But we have no proof that we live in Indore !

Son : Our Chowkidar will tell we live here !!

Me : Ohh… okk… we will get the pass port soon… ok…. Ok

Son : Dad… now we say Ka, Kha, Ga in hindi… Nahheeeeeeeeeee…… geee….

 While I learn Hindi Barakhdi….. its ta ‘da until next time buddies…. Like I said its really really challenging !!!! But I am going to overcome the challenges surely !

Btw how many of you can say Ka, Kha Ga fluently by heart ??? just to make me feel a lil better !! perhaps !!