Me & Barkha !! (dream conversations)

I have always been a dreamer and this is a really weird dream, it all happened after I received an email that showed some startling facts about the ownership of the news channels and news papers. I don’t know if the mail was true and so I will not share.

But this led to complex thoughts in my mind. I think too much, I dream too much. This is about a conversation I had with Barkha Dutt in my dream, not reality. Lemme tell you that I like Barkha Dutt, however some times she does go over board and becomes insensitive as the hardcore media manners in her take control of her sensitivities (my personal opinion)…. Anyways I thought I should share this conversation I had in my dream with my dedicated readers…. (No offence meant to any one, least to Barkha, remember it is not she who is replying, this is what I perceived would be her replies) I was not sure whether to post this, but since I took up blogging I have decided to write what is in the mind and not worry if it is policitally correct. This is how it goes :

Its morning, I am out to jog, I am running in our park in circles, 200 meters a round, 20 is the target… (4 kms)

As I finish round one I suddenly find our very own and most favourite Barkha Dutt jogging slowly, I slow down and join her :

Me : Hi ! GM ! Barkha, how come your running so early ?? (its 7 am)

Barkha : Ohh !! GM ! Well no terrorists, no live massacres, no war… so so so (that’s her customary style remember !! SO SO SO…. goes Barkha) good to go to bed on time. Hence jogging early in the morning.

Me : That’s good, isn’t it ? Peace after all.

Barkha : Yea.

Me : In Mumbai you guys had a long shift… People don’t always appreciate that you guys have some real hard work eh !!

Barkha : Ohhh don’t ask… My first shift was 56 hours… No proper place to sit, the van was full of smoke so you couldn’t sleep !! We even ran out of the cigarettes… the food packets were awful…. Live story, same lines to be repeated 20 times hour after hour… the moment you relax suddenly gun shots Bah !!

Me : You did 56 hours !!! Your employers give you a hard time….

Barkha : No no… they are such a sweetheart.. I volunteered… LIVE on TV all the time, everybody watching… (wow!!) This is what we news people yearn for… (do you ?!!) We wait for such stories… (wait!!!!) meaning we don’t want these things to happen but if they happen we want to be in the thick of things ( !! ) and above all we also were worried about what was happening, and hoping our fellow countrymen do not lose lives. (whew, finally she said what she actually meant to say, folks she meant nothing that she said before the letters in bold)

Me : Yea, and people think you people are insensitive… (tongue in cheek)

Barkha : Imagine, so much hard work & people think we shouldn’t have broadcast it live.

Me : Do they ? (trying to be honest)

Barkha : Yea lots do… But then people have a right to know…

Me : and..

Barkha : And know whats happening there…

Me : Know about it all and do what ??

Barkha : Well this is democracy, every one should know whats happening. Every one has a right to know.

Me : Yawn ! oh yea ofcourse, I agree totally !! ( I don’t know if I agree but I don’t know if I disagree either)

Barkha : So what did you do while this was happening… (Barkha stikes back)

Me : I was watching you live !!! Feeling angry and helpless. A week later we took out a peace march in Bharuch my hometown, I am blogging about this and trying to keep the fire alive …. We want the people behind this caught.

Barkha : Blogging ?? Is that how you keep the fire alive ??? getting ads eh ?? (getting even with me…)

Me : Naah ! my adsense account is still waiting for approval from Google. I don’t have any ads. I write what is in my heart. ( can’t believe I had to explain that )

Barkha: Put our NDTV ad, we will design your page for free… headers footers you know….

Me : Naah !! I like it the way it is… (time for me to strike) Say I read that letter of yours where you explained your stance against the Navy Chief… he took a cheapshot on you… eh !

Barkha : No comments on that. I put that letter and that’s it (click here to read her reply). Never mind that, so you have put on a few pounds, eh ? The belly is bulging !! (she’s on the offensive now, hitting the most sensitive issues in my life)

Me : Bulging ??? Trying to get even eh ??? My waist is 32 inches only !! 29 is perfect, aint it ??? how much is yours ??

Barkha : 34 !!!

Me : Ha ha ha !!! look whos talking ….( This is my dream…. She can’t win today)

Barkha : You’re a wicked man.

Me : How come you people never interviewed Karkare’s wife ??

Barkha : We are sensible and understand peoples sensitivities. We don’t want to trouble people in grief.

Me : I hear she didn’t want to give any interviews.

Barkha : Sez Who ?

Me : My sources.

Barkha : Which sources ??

Me : Its confidential.

Barkha : Ha ha. Ordinary citizens have no sources… you’re bluffing. (She feels she got me, the grin from ear to ear)

Me : Do we say that when you guys write the word SOURCES : and write whatever you think is garma garam (hot hot ). Why wouldn’t you prove what are the sources. Unless you can prove it you shouldn’t write it. Its pathetic you know.

Barkha : Pathetic is too strong a word !!

Me : Irresponsible !!! is it better ?

Barkha : Get Lost.

Me : Talking of your sensitivity. It was particularly insensitive on your part to interview the relatives of the people inside the Taj.

Barkha : What !! Dhiren you too?? I have enough hate mail. We didn’t want to interview them. They wanted to come on TV, they wanted to show to their relatives inside that they were waiting outside. We just put their emotions on TV and its great for TRP you know… (That last line just slipped out do not read it folks)

Me : Aah sweetheart, honest for a change ?? Hey I hear yours is the only Indian Channel that is allowed to broadcast in Pakistan.

Barkha : Oh yea, we are the only news channel in India that is not polarized, not biased.

Me : and you need Pakistan to give that certificate to you ??

Barkha : you’re a jerk !! Pervert !! its international recognition.

Me : Yea , yea … I see !!!

Barkha : I m done jogging, I am going…

Me : See ya … I still have 17 rounds more to do … bye !! Take my advise, with a waist like that you need to run more ….

Barkha : Pervert, sucker…. Get lost ….

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18 thoughts on “Me & Barkha !! (dream conversations)

  1. Indian Home Maker says:

    LOL This was really the ultimate 🙂 Information from sources without siting the sources is like blogs without links. I also found that line kind of irresponsible.

    This was really, really funny. But I like Barkha Dutta. I remember they were the only ones who did not make foolish statements during the Dr Rajesh Talwar case. They were all equally bad, but since she is better known she kind of got noticed more than others …. maybe I am biased, I feel anybody can make a mistake. They are under pressure to perform, and they do really need to mature…
    But this was really, really funny 🙂

  2. Anonymous says:

    hey dhiren,
    was it really ur dream or figment of ur imagination? as u urself say that u think too much…aur phir sapno mein barkha n politics?….hmm

  3. hitch writer says:

    No, its not all imagination.. these are questions i asked barkha in my dreams… the answers are the ones i expected her to give… added a bit of humour to it so that people like to read it..

    Once again, no offence meant to any one !

  4. "SWAGATIKA" says:

    hey dhiren!!!
    i must say dis is an awesum one..
    u figoured her out so nicely..
    wel i luv barkha lyk nething..
    bt onething m nt assured abt is how cum it happens da reverse in dream generally..even i saw alwayz da one i lyk in mah drm is havin a pullin leg sorta chats…leave it..psychology holds da sense i suppose..i dunno whether u ve dreamt it of realy or nt ..bt description was lyk marvellous..
    go on man..
    gud day!!!

  5. hitch writer says:

    Thanks the questions i dreamt, the answers also largely i dreamt.. only i twisted some to make it funny and a lil bit more of pepper…

  6. Badz says:

    Gosh Dhiren! This was the first blog post I read of yours. You asked me what I thought at the time, I didn’t know what to say without hurting you (well I thought I’d hurt you at the time if I was totally honest). Today reading it again I still kind of have the same emotions.

    First I felt (and still feel) it is strange to have a dream about a reporter. Then in the first part of the conversation I don’t have a clue what event you are talking about hence don’t understand what the march is about. Then about it was bout the mumbai blast which I’ve seen on TV and the rest was funny.

  7. Winnie the poohi says:

    LOL!!!

    This is so satarical! Thats wonderful.. i havent read any satire from you before.. and its funny too 😀 😀

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