Its evening and I and my bro are sitting in the drawing room. I switch off the TV where Rajdeep Sardesai was ogling through with his Thyroid patient like eyes.
My bro immediately revolts :bhai, I am watching !
Me: I have the remote in my hand. Remember our rule ? (in our house simple rules, the one who has the remote has the control)
Bro : But you can change channel, you are switching off !!!
Me : I am putting on some music !
Bro : put it into the IPOD and listen.
Me : I want you all to hear !!
Bro : I dont want to hear …
Me : Who’s the boss of the house ?
Bro : Bus (enough)! Stop it.
Me : I am the boss remember !!!!
( I can be a real pain in the arse at times, especially at home, coz I know, no one can harm me here )
I put the music on, its R-Kelly, I believe I can fly !!!! I am singing with it irritatingly looking at my brother who has just stopped smiling and is now onto his mobile game.
My Wife (from the kitchen) : Please lower the volume, the whole building doesn’t want to hear.
Me : I believe I can fly, I believe I can touch the sky…. think about it night and day, spread my wings and fly away …..
My wife : Fly away…. you won’t get any food today….
Me : Will you all let me listen and recite the song. I think my voice is like him.
My wife : till yesterday your voice resembled that of Mukesh. Now R-Kelly ????????
Me : My voice is like Mukesh !!! No jokes on this !!! I meant I can get as involved in the song as R-kelly
Suddenly son romps in through the door, he is back from his park, a lil messy, hair not tidy and a bit of sweat on his forehead…
Son : Momma… Paani !! (his ma confirms from the kitchen the water is on the way ..)
Son (now turning to me) : Addha Music Bandh Karo ! (In Kutchi our mother tongue DAD means ADDHA)
Me : Arre I just put this song on !! Its lovely ….
Son : Put on Cartoon Network !! (coming closer, hands on hips)
Me : Shall I change the song and put your favourite, Pappu can’t dance saala
I can see my bro suddenly smiling. He joins in…
Bro : No no, Addha, Cartooon !!!
Son : Addha (eyebrows a lil crooked and looks at me)
In Gujarati we have a saying, jene koi na pahoche, ene enu pet pahoche ! meaning he who is not defeated by any one is defeated by his own stomach.
Me : Okay okay, let this song finish !!
Son : Addha !! (his lower lip is slightly outside and just stares at me with hands on his hips.)
Me : ok ok, I give up (I switch off the system, and put on NICK, its time for Mighty Cat Masked Niyander !!!)
He comes to me tells me to put the remote on the table and move aside so that he can sit on my place. He likes sitting on that particular place and will not budge. (another rule, and most rules in my house were framed by me as I was the eldest of the three brothers, is no one will ever have any place reserved to himself in the house, any one can sit anywhere)
At times I wonder if I am his father or he is mine. My brother, wife are all thrilled as they could never beat me but this lil 2 and half feet always does. But then such is life….
Earlier when I was a kid we didn’t have video games, now when ever I take my laptop to play games, this devil will come and sit and tell me, I am the kid let me play !!
I have the remote but no control. I have the laptop but I never get to play on it. My wife will never serve me a glass of water, (another rule, Every one will do their work themselves, unless sick, no ordering) but he gets a glass served where ever he wants it to be served even I serve him at times.
When a live cricket match involving India is on, my wife, mom or even the PM cannot make us watch anything else or even change the channel for a second, but he even wins here… We simply toe the line and watch BEN-10 when 10dulkar is batting !!! My wife now looks at me and wonders what happened to my first love cricket now ????
When I was a kid, my parents would make sure we wake up by 6.30. Even today if my Mom is in the house except sunday’s she will never let me sleep beyond 7. Or else there will be a world war in the house. This guy gets up lazily at 8.30,when my wife tells me to wake him up, I go to him and slowly say his name and try to get him up, but he won’t budge or move and when I watch him sleeping peacefully, I don’t have the heart to disturb him….
The boss will get up at 8.30 and two concerned adults will be helping him do his pee pee or brush his teeth or make him milk….
The boss is not retiring, he isn’t giving it away, he is simply being bull dozed, he is simply being taken over !!!!