Vulnerable

Are there times when you are scared of yourself…. when your thoughts become too uncomfortable for you to actually acknowledge their prescence… ?? You keep avoiding those thoughts… you dont accept they exist… yet deep down you know they do….

All the time you are running away from them…. than suddenly some one out of the blue trying to make a conversation veers and suddenly asks you what is the purpose of our life ????

And you are forced to think the unthinkable… you eventually acknowledge the thoughts you had been running away from…. you didnt want to say it to yourself, you didnt want to believe and suddenly it hits you hard…..

Suddenly you feel most uncomfortable with yourself… you feel fidgety… you feel like you want to cry… but you cant even find a shoulder….

does it happen to you or has it ever ???

Life is weird these days… they say empty mind is a devil’s house…. I hope they are right !

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27 thoughts on “Vulnerable

  1. snow says:

    find one thing that u like doing, focus ur energies towards it n u’ll find some purpose (not sure how effective this method is, but that’s what i’m trying these days) 😀

  2. Ordinary Guy says:

    Life has no purpose to serve. it is always about the routine, helping and caring for your loved ones and finally going thru difficult patches…. 🙂

    Chins up…. is all i can say…..:)

  3. Varunavi says:

    Dhiren it happens to me as well.Sometimes i dont find anyone to talk to me here,i miss my mom,sisters and my house.But this is life dhiren.
    Take a break and go to indore.
    Keep yourself busy.
    Last but not the least chat with me:))

  4. Smitha says:

    I know – it happens to me too.. Don’t worry – you’ll snap out of it.. Do something you really really like..

    As Ajit says – ‘Chin Up’!

  5. Vinod_Sharma says:

    If there is anyone who has not experienced such feelings, then you should be surprised. Chin up…this will pass…

  6. Patricia Torres says:

    oh… time by far is the healer of everything!! So you’ll be fine soon!! But to help you for now.. try meditation… sit with yourself… and try taking out the thoughts from your mind… At first its difficult… but if you try a few times.. you are actually able to sit and think of nothing.. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how much meditation can help!!

    Dont worry.. you’ll be fine soon!

  7. Dipsy says:

    Please Note: Your comment is awaiting moderation. so says the solilo blog, so thought of coming here and pasting,

    Wondered if I should burst the bubble after reading a few bloggers bashing up Dhiren, dropped the idea earlier, but these thoughts were roaming in my mind so why not, am not a gujarati nor have ever stayed in gujarat like him but of late have seen and heard plenty of educated middle class professional saying Modi is the best ! it was hard to believe so since the last year have been making a mental note of the tally (and the sort of people) the question in my mind was what prompts these people to say so.

    For the past 2 years that I have been staying in Europe it has not been very difficult (infact very easy) to run into people from all spheres be it research, medicine, finance or IT saying ‘Man we need a CM like Narendra Modi, that man gets work done’

    Have taken the opportunity to know Pakistani population here too, most are very rigid in their perspective totally immune to any change or flexibility citing the western world for their problems. A typical Pakistani family raises 4 or even more children putting much more burden on the state, child benefits, tax exemption, free schooling and of course not to speak about the facilities they demand like separate pool hours etc for their men would not like to see semi-naked women. To top it they are highly critical of the country they earn their bread and butter from. Have digressed a lot.

    Coming back to the Indian diaspora here, people from various states are spiteful of the congress governments reaction and efforts to Pakistan and Taliban sponsored terrorism, blasts the latest being the Mumbai carnage. Pseudo secularism and minority appeasement of Muslims by Congress adds to their view that a radical change is needed.

    Ofcourse the Gujaratis here are proud of Modi …….. I see the disgusted frowns …..but apart from that most Indians from various states see him as a politician who had got crores of investment to Gujarat.

    These 4 comments of different people are from the most popular Indian community site here, I don’t want to disclose these members identity so will have to delete their names and the companies they mention.

    Re: Gujarat attract 12 lakhs crores investments in two days..!

    “you are right ABCD !! As far as I know he has repect for all religion people who have respect for India.”

    “i m not aware of his …………. he is a real “HERO”… ”

    “And why you people always connect those things with such good investments opportunities for India rather then accepting it..!! Because of this 25 lacs people got jobs..!! And who else has done such a good work for their own state other then bribe and bank balance..!! Give a single name… 🙄 These investments are not a simple thing, not even the PM of XYZX able to save jobs in ABCD, so forget about new investments..!!”

    “he is good for gujarat, let him continue his service to Gujarat”

    Since I have been puzzled to run into people who think & believe this way about Modi, I could understand what Dhiren wrote is anything but true.

    Wish we had 100 more Arun Bhatias. http://www.arunbhatiaelect.com/ any of you from Pune or have family or friends in Pune, please vote for this man.

  8. Darshan Chande says:

    This is a very profound post.. we always run away from the truth.. and most of the people get away with it.. never know the truth.. but when you do, you really understand the meaning of your existence..

  9. Solilo says:

    Dhiren, First {Hugs}

    It happens to me too and I believe to everyone. There are times when I think life has no purpose and everything I am working hard for is just a waste. Then I snap out of it. There are also somethings which constantly runs in the back of my brain or somewhere which I am too scared to acknowledge but I know it exists.

    Don’t worry. You aren’t alone. Chatting with friends and family usually takes such thought away.

  10. mindspace says:

    purpose of life.. hmmmm.. its to live and live each day to the fullest, taking life as it comes with smile and with as much preparation for tomorrow as possible… & not worrying for things beyond our control…

    difficult is it? thats what friends and close ones are for.. talk to someone, share the fears.. with their wishes, hugs n support things certainly will get easier..

    ~Tara

  11. Indyeah says:

    Dhiren, It happens to everyone I think ,I know it happens to me all the time and like Vinod Sir says so rightly this too shall pass..

    (((hugs)))

    @Dipsy Dont agree on a lot of things so will let it be
    but will say this
    Dhiren was not being ‘bashed’ up as you have said:)we were having an argument between friends ..Dhiren is more than capable of putting his point across:)
    we have a blog samaaj here you know:)and Dhiren has coined that phrase:)
    and Rakesh ,Dhiren and Renu sure are part of it:))

    so I’ll let the other points be and let Dhiren take strong objection to the term being ‘bashed up’
    *glares at Dhiren*
    you had better talk buddy!
    :))

  12. Indyeah says:

    Dhiren here are some lines which give me hope:)

    ”So you mustn’t be frightened, if a sadness rises in front of you, larger than any you have ever seen; if an anxiety, like light and cloud-shadows, moves over your hands and over everything you do. You must realize that something is happening to you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand and will not let you fall.”

    -Rainer Maria Rilke

  13. Bindu Nayar says:

    Hello Dhiren..first time here..and the pulse i get from this space is sensitivity and its good to be sensitive..

    Life is such ..one should have such moments to reflect or just to go numb…….

    cheers..these pictures are awesome..

  14. Renu says:

    It happens to everybody.But I have a firm belief that god has sent me on earth with a very special purpose and I will always try to fulfill that promise.
    I always surround myself with positive people and then this too shall pass:).
    So smile and always believ that you are very special gif to f god to this earth:)

  15. Rashmi says:

    Hey came here through smita’s blog…
    Wish the phase you going through pass soon..
    the fastest way to overcome is to distract ur mind by talking to family/frens

  16. Ranu says:

    Hey Dhir

    This one is for you a poem by Theodre Tilten helped me on many bleak days. Hope it makes yours a little brighter.

    Even this will pass away

    Once in Persia reigned a king,
    Who upon a signet ring
    Carved a maxim strange and wise,
    When held before his eyes,
    Gave him counsel at a glance,
    Fit for every change and chance:
    Solemn words, and these were they:
    “EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

    Trains, of camel through the sand
    Brought him gems from Samarcand;
    Fleets of galleys over the seas
    Brought him pearls to rival these,
    But he counted little gain,
    Treasures of the mine or main;
    ‘What is wealth?’ the king would say
    “EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

    ‘Mid the pleasures of his court
    At the zenith of their sport,
    When the palms of all his guests
    Burned with clapping at his jests,
    Seated midst the figs and wine,
    Said the king: ‘Ah, friends of mine,’
    Pleasure comes but not to stay,
    “EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

    Woman, fairest ever seen
    Was the bride he crowned as queen,
    Pillowed on the marriage-bed
    Whispering to his soul, he said
    “Though no monarch ever pressed
    Fairer bosom to his breast,
    Mortal flesh is only clay!
    ‘EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

    Fighting on the furious field,
    Once a javelin pierced his shield,
    Soldiers with a loud lament
    Bore him bleeding to his tortured side,
    ‘Pain is hard to bear,” he cried,
    But with patience, day by day,
    “EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

    Towering in a public square
    Forty cubits in the air,
    And the king disguised, unknown,
    Gazed upon his sculptured name,
    And he pondered, “What is fame?’
    Fame is but a slow decay!
    “EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

    Struck with palsy, sore and old,
    Waiting at the gates of gold,
    Said he with his dying breath
    ‘Life is done, but what is Death?”
    Then as answer to the king
    Fell a sunbeam on his ring;
    Showing by a heavenly ray,
    “EVEN THIS WILL PASS AWAY.”

  17. Badz says:

    Dhiren! This phrase will pass. You’ll be right as rain soon enough. And you know where to find me if you need to talk.

    I like what one of your friends said, try reading the Bhagavad Gita, it may help. Although you don’t come across as relious to me. But read in general does help. Loose yourself in a book. You use to love reading. Go back to it.

  18. Sandhya says:

    I was not in station, so I started reading your posts, one by one. Thank god (!). This phase of yours is gone. Be cheerful, as always!

  19. Preeti says:

    Dhiren ,

    I was going through the same face couple of years ago ..once in a while it does make a temporary comeback ..but still I know how to manage it now …

    there was time when I used to do anything to keep myself from copnfronting my own self …but then I realised that only way to do that was to actually face the matter and accept whatever my life is going through …

    and thats what I do now ..if I am uncomfortable ..I ‘ll talk with myself , accept and move on …

  20. Crafty Shines says:

    Read this today. (((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) for how far you’ve come. Haven’t you?

    And i’ll need some hugs to console myself that I wasn’t around, wasn’t even aware that you exist.

    🙂

    No more such phases, anyways, am just a call away.

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