Is it co-incidence.. or double standards or plain hypocrisy ??

Scene 1.

Marriage discussions are on.  Its a love marriage and the two families are meeting for the first time.  Whilst the kids have arranged a meeting for the two sets of parents along with the siblings.


Suddenly out of no where while everyone was munching Samosa’s… the girls father says…. to the guys mother… 


” I would like to request one thing very plain and simple… till the marriage happens… she (the girl) will not come with you to any relatives house out of station for an overnight stay and both of them will not go for a night movie show (9 to 12). I would like to make my position very clear.. Understand I am a girls father… !! After marriage they can do anything they want. ”


The guys mother nods in appreciation of the concern and worry and the deal is done… !!


Scene 2. 

After 7 years the same Father of the daughter sits in the drawing room and his son enters…. followed by a girl he is about to marry…. they have just come from the railway station…

The father : How was the journey.

The girl : It was ok.. nice.. crowded hot but ok..

The father : Good good that you have come over….. now we all can finish the shopping in the next 2-3 days… !!!!


In the evening…


The son : Dad we are going for a movie..

The father : which ??

The son : Delhi-6

The father : Which show…

The son : 9.30 to 12.30…

The father : hurry than its already 8.30 lets finish your dinner so that you dont get late…. !!!




Please give your views honestly !


101 thoughts on “Is it co-incidence.. or double standards or plain hypocrisy ??

  1. Badz says:

    typical “indian” thinking. I know i’m generalising and I should because not everyone is like that BUT that’s how I see it. How can someone say 1 thing to 1 persons and alway his son to do the complete opposite??

    Typical Indian thinking ???? bah…

  2. Saritha says:

    We have different rules for girls and boys.Boys can do everything they want where as the girl is supposed to do what parents/elders of the house say 😦 This is very sad 😦

    What about the boyfriend of the girl in the first scene ??? 😦

  3. Smitha says:

    Yes, hypocrisy.. The worry is there only when the somebody is the girl’s father.. I guess.. Its almost always like this actually – one treatment for the daughter – another for the daughter-in-law… But not everywhere.. things aer changing.. albeit slowly..

    yea …. I get fed up with that phrase… things are changing albeit slowly… !!! it seems we are satisfying ourselves… at times…

  4. Tara says:

    double standards
    bad dad

    how can he forget what he said to the guys mom in his daughter’s case??

    eating his own words??

    I agree… totally !

    • hitchwriter says:

      hey did you read that Veer Sanghvi’s treasure hunt for the elusive biryani ?????

      and hey you need to do something about the comments section in your site… the embedded comments option in a lot of blogger sites is so difficult to comment…

      imagine… I still come first… !!! how much hard work I do !!!

      • Tara says:

        Thanks for the link. yes i have that site opened.. but the article is so long that i am yet to tread thru.

        and tell me what to do about that comment thingie.. other than moving to WP..

        i am loosing on some comments due to that.. 😦

  5. Smitha says:

    You know – last time when I was in India – I was visiting relatives of my husband’s. I had met them earlier- but not been to their houses.. So in one such house – the bahus of the house were showing me the house and we came to a really cute balcony.. So I was like -oh this is such a wonderful place to sit and have tea.. Lets sit here.. When they said – that no we are not allowed to. So I was like – oh that’s sad.. hopefully by the time your daughter grows up – things will change, when they told me that the ‘betis’ of the house could sit here – just not the bahus!!!

    another chapter in the ridiculous saga or differences between beti’s and bahu’s !!!!!

    • Swaram says:

      Sad that even when we think things have changed, these do exist. Recently, when we had been to a friend’s village, the men had to be served first before the women had food. It was so new to me n hubby and he refused saying that he will have it with me n the others, mean the 4 couples who had gone there as a group. He got a big lecture from the elders of that household. And guess what, they dint even care what was left over for the women folks. We had to share whatever remained 😦

      • hitchwriter says:

        well that brings me to our family also…

        we normally all sit together in the evenings… on sundays though we had a normal practice of me sitting for hot hot chappaties… I used to love them… seriously… but one post of IHM actually made me think about this angle … Which didnt even come to mind before that…

        really… I started to feel guilty about eating first… though i must also say we cannot make roti’s… i can roast but cant do the making part… however when we have dosa’s we brothers do make dosa’s for our wives and my mom !!! first and then for us… !!! we three have a competition and each thinks he makes the best dosa’s… Mom is the judge… !! and has to eat 3 dosa’s… minimum !!!!

        But when vacations and all relatives get together… its kids first… gents next and ladies last…

        However I am starting to become picky about it… insist we all sit together… and and my mom and wife tell me many times that your blogging is going too far… they think its simply better organised that way…. i dont know… but well that is the fact…

  6. Anamika. says:

    Good post. When will the indian mind set ever change? I wonder.

    we all have to make it happen together… by standing our ground… though i dont know what i could have done there…

  7. monikamanchanda says:

    htichy i would just call it plain standard indian thinking sigh

    abs not fair………..

    tsk tsk… no not talking to you.. you havent caught up on stuff posted while you were away… !

  8. Indyeah says:

    This does happen Dhiren 🙂
    and no not just in India but in a lot of American friend of mine went through the exact same situation..

    the unsaid ..unofficial rule is that girls are treated (even if out of love and affection ) like delicate creatures who have to be protected ..but the catch is that only girls of One’s OWN family..
    weird and hypocritical huh?

    double standards!

  9. Rakesh says:

    Though there are always double standards for boys and girls, I think it might be double standards in this case. A million things change in 7 years, and so do perceptions.

  10. Aathira says:

    I completely say double standards. It can also be termed as typical Indian mentality also.

    When its their son, they are so confident of the girl’s safety in their household prior to marriage but for their daughter they are not ready to trust the boy and the boy’s family.

  11. craftyshines says:

    geez! DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!!!!!!!

    i cry foul!

    yeah, Indian mentality where khandaan ki izzat (girl) is guarded / protected, even from to-be-hubby
    while khandaan ka chirag (boy) is bestowed all the trust n compromises r made in his case…

    but u see hitchy, the boy in first scenario, well….seems to me that his mom had only sons (esp the kinds who used to play WWF on Sofas)and she probably gives in to the father-of-the-girl’s wishes, coz she must be knowing how shaitaan boys can be…so no support from mommy for him….

    just guessing, of course. any reference to any person i know / chat with / interact with is purely co-incidental!

  12. Solilo says:

    Oye! weekend ko to thoda kam post kiya karo yaar. One day I was away and you have 2 posts already. Hey bhagwan Hitchy ko kisi trip pe bhejo! 😆

    Ahem….is Hetal reading all this? Someone is jealous that his BIL gets to have fun. 😉

  13. Solilo says:

    Isn’t it possible that your BIL is a responsible guy and you looked totally mawaaali-gunda type who had eyes on all of your FIL’s almirah, property, cash. *bhagoooooooooooooo* Ha..ha..ha..

  14. Eric Richardville says:

    I think there should be equality; man, woman or any combination. Having said that, I am soon to be a father and I can honestly say that I would fight more with the feelings of letting my daughter go out late than I would my son. I know that’s not right, but I think it is how you are brought up. Certain things are ingrained in us. It takes time to reverse certain thinking. How much time is the question.

  15. Pixie says:

    yea… double standards.
    But, I also want to , maybe, look at it from a different angle – that maybe, just maybe, the dad has changed with times?

  16. Amit says:

    Well, to be very brutally honest – The father is fine if his son is having sex with a woman before marriage but he is not fine when someone else does that to his own daughter.
    That is the core!

  17. sioneve says:

    Bravo for hypocrisy! But seriously, all the longing by the girl in scene 1 makes the heart grow fonder. Isn’t that what our fathers (and mothers) are longing for?? It has nothing to do with broken hymens or unwedded pregnancies!!! ;D

  18. Anish says:

    It is very simple dhiren, all fathers are possessive and protective about there daughters.and at the second case,may be he trust his son a lot and he believe that , his son will take care of his prospective daughter in law.No doubt it is plain hypocrisy.

  19. vishesh unni raghunathan says:

    thought I had commented here –

    Maybe in 7 years the world became safer…the society more accepting , more lights on the roads , more people ..!! And maybe the father has got his son a car , where as the other fellow didn’t have one!

  20. Puneet says:


    Its all the three (indian mentality+ double stabndards_hypocricy) plus one more thing .. 7 years time frame…in between two scene…
    I assume if scene1 to be repeated at the same time scene2 it would not have happen that simply or plainly…but it would not have happened replica of scene2 as well ….

  21. Indian Homemaker says:

    Dhiren I have a doubt…. though double standards exist there is also the fear that the boy’s family might turn around and accuse that the girl of being too fast and they might say her parents do not put enough restrictions on her! In case of a daughter in law, the in-laws know being ladke waley they are in a powerful position and they can approve or disapprove.
    Like my grand mother used to say they cannot refuse to give dowry for their daughters but they can refuse to accept dowry when it comes to daughter in laws…

    Most parents are not as worried about the girl’s safety as her reputation. I also agree with Rakesh about changes in attitudes with time. The first child is often brought up more strictly …

    But of course there is no doubt that there is a difference between the way most Indians treat their daughters and daughters in law. It would still be understandable if they did not expect so much from daughters in law 😦 There is a clear hierarchy in Indian families and daughters in laws come right at the bottom. We are hypocrites no doubt.

  22. lostmermaid says:

    he expected the girl’s parents to stop her ! of course he thinks his son is more trust worthy than his daughter or his son-in-law ! nothing new !!

  23. zinggy_mum says:

    yes u can call it indian mentality.
    fathers r very protective of their girls…
    and their sons can do no harm..hence this double standard.
    aaj ke scenario ke hisab se fathers have to accept nau se barah…
    daughters warn their fathers from first…dad no fussing around in front of my!

  24. thethoughtfultrain says:

    There’s a phrase in Konkani which translates to “you feel pain only when your thigh is pinched” Thats what I feel looking at the above mentioned scenario. This happens a lot of times and in different situations. And at times I feel we do it unconsciously sometimes.

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