tHe sUnRiSe…

  

She sat at the top of a slope, gazing at the mighty river Narmada, watching it flow to the sea, the setting sun had painted the sky orange and pink, while a gentle breeze carressed her cheeks, her curls fluttering gently… the leaves of the many neem trees around whisteled…  a squirrel hopped right in front of her and stared, almost as if inquiring about something, then picked up something to eat, smelt it, realised it was a stone, tossed it away and continued on its merry way… her gaze was fixed on the lil squirrel as the squirrel snaked away and disappeared behind another neem tree.

 

She stood up slowly and strolled towards the river … her hands free… her heart swelling with the fresh breath she took in… the curls fluttering in the breeze… she looked beautiful as she watched the sun slowly setting in the distance.

 

Everything had worked out perfectly,  she had passed her UPSC and had decided IPS it would be… her parents were thrilled and had gone to the temple… she didnt believe in God…

 

She believed in herself…

 

Now, the only thing she needed and in desparate measure, was peace. To collect her thoughts, millions of  ideas reverberated in her mind… random bubbles of anxiety…  exuberance… exhiliration… the excitement inside her was overflowing.  All of a sudden she broke in a jog and ran towards the setting sun… on the grass banks of narmada… inadverently, she caught the attention of a few kids nearby engrossed in a game of cricket. Though she was lost in her own world… she gathered momentum as she ran… nervous energy was building in her… as she neared the bank of the river finally she LEAPT.. !!!!!!! in the air exulting and screamed out loud…

 

Yeaaaaaaa !!!!! Did it…. !!!!!!!!!!

 

the kids turned towards her and chuckled at each other…

 

If she had noticed, she didnt care.. she was elated… gingerly she stopped near the water… bent down, cupped her hands with the warm water… splashed it on her face… she looked towards the sun, stared at it,  it was mild, as if blessing her, it seemed like they both were holding a private conversation, finally, she smiled at the sun, content, she turned and walked back with a new goal, a new ambition, a new venture…

 

As the sun set behind her, the sun in her life just rose. Life, for her, had just begun !!

 

 

—-

edited by : Pallu ! 😀 😀

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57 thoughts on “tHe sUnRiSe…

    • Lively says:

      For some reason even I thought she jumped into the river thinking it was going to be anti climax 😛 but then it is happys endings.

      Me – I guess jumping in the river goes with my reputations… lol 😛

  1. Smitha says:

    Hitchy, That was beautiful!

    ‘ she didnt believe in God…

    She believed in herself…’ – I think this is the key – Believe in yourself! After all, if God is everywhere, he/she is within you too!

    Glad u like it Smi… and yes if there is any God anywhere … Its in us !!!! 🙂

    • Indian Homemaker says:

      I have to repeat what Smitha is saying. I am totally moved – loved your story Hitchwriter!

      Did you say you were not able to write these days!????
      Beautifully written, beautifully described… suspense building and I loved the …
      finally she LEAPT.. !!!!!!! in the air exulting and cried out loud…

      Yeaaaaaaa !!!!! Did it…. !!!!!!!!!! the best!!!

      A fav on your blog this one!!!

      ME : Now my heart is a bit more easy… it was racing nervously waiting for comments… !! 🙂

  2. Monika says:

    wow this is lovely, as far as i remember this is ur first fiction i have read and I must tell u its lovely

    ME : I have tried a bit earlier.. ! but this is like… authentic… !!! makes sense ?

  3. Monika says:

    u know hitchy the climax is the best……… lovely

    I have been making this since morning… just decided I had to write something good… dunno how we got here… !! 🙂

  4. Tara says:

    you are the second blogger i am reading who is talking about she today 🙂
    she sounds quite positive and confident and pretty too.. also liked the neem and narmada descriptions

    she ? who is the first ??

    she is very very positive, confident, pretty and Humane tooo !!!!! 🙂 🙂

    the neem tree in our back yard and narmada in the vicinity came in handy 😉

  5. Tara says:

    n all your commentators are ‘she’ too.. all very positive ppl.. ahem ahem 😀

    HW : yea I love that they all are she… but Positivity ?? sigh… you sexist gal… !!!!!!

  6. Rashmi says:

    this was too good …there is increasing trend of fiction in blogosphere…
    climax was good and so the choice of words too 🙂

    ME : slowly but surely I m gonna bloat… !

  7. Swaram says:

    Gr8 she did it 🙂 Women rock 😛

    She is a combo of beauty and brains – thatz the picture I got 😉 Awesome 😀

    Me – she also has poise .. !! 🙂 🙂 Glad u loved it… !!

    all women here rock.. still no guys…sigh.. !! 😉

    • Pixie says:

      yea, I agree with Swaram.
      She does have poise too!

      I could picture her totally!

      Me – I am starting to love her… !! 😀 😀 … you all asked for it… more of her to follow.. !! 😀 😀

  8. Winnie the poohi says:

    This is awesome! I loved the way you kept it as a suspense.. even when she jumps.. i thought she was contemplating suicide.. but when she says.. yeah.. did it!! The twist was fantastic 😀

    And then I second what IHM n Smitha say !!!

    You better write more!!

    😛 😛 !!!!!! Winnie I was waiting 4 u… !!!! 😀 😀 😀

  9. Pallavi says:

    Wow! Very, nice , Dhiren!! I think language-wise, it does need some editing, but otherwise, I loved the flow. It moved easily, and the reader ends up feeling the same elation that she does. Very well done!! Look forward to more from you. Was this inspired by our bhabhiji? 😉

    Me- inspired by only one syndrome no post… so I sat at the blank page and was determined to write something… wish bhabhiji would be IPS … I would make a lovely house husband… 😀 😀

    i pinged u coz ur a fiction pro… you and winnie write a lot… !! 🙂

  10. anjugandhi says:

    wish I could write like this. very expressive.
    just one thing . I am a strong believer of God, destiny and his ways. so “She didn’t believe in God, She believed in herself”
    I would just say that because He wanted her to be like this that is why she was like this. LOL 😉

    ME – Karma is what she believed in… !!!!! I think I will keep this girl alive… !!!!! I like her… !!! more stories about her… !!!

    😀 😀

  11. mahmudfaisal says:

    Sometimes life begin for us many times… isn’t? 😀

    good writing hitchy 🙂
    thanks for gifting some good feeling through the post 🙂

    Me – Life begins everytime we want to start it.. ! 🙂

  12. Reema says:

    first story right? nice!

    ME – Have always added spice to real life stories earlier… !! first or second more importantly tell me do you like it ??

  13. Nids says:

    loved it..aap to story writer ho gaye Hitchy babu….the story was so positive, made my day 🙂 keep writing

    Me – ROFL !! Writer abhi bana… saala faaltu mein i used to think I am Hitch – WRITER !! 😛 😛

    cheers !!!! 😀 😀 😀

  14. Sandhya says:

    Smitha and IHM have written my thoughts as soon as I read this story of yours….beautifully narrated, Dhiren. My son too always says ‘believe in yourself, don’t pull god into it!’

    Well done!

    Me – Lovely thought your son has… !! I couldnt agree more… ! 🙂 I am feeling so elated !! 😀

  15. Aarti says:

    That was naice…Loved the flow of words… spur of the moment writing was it???wee bit raw here and there.. but good stuff.. Shd write more….

    Me – Were you saying nice or naive ?? 🙄

    in any case welcome to my world !! 😀 not spur of the moment.. but wanted to write come what may… and amidst doing office work like making quotes, hedging dollars, buying cotton… this came up !!!!!! 😀

    • Aarti says:

      I said Naice only, just created this new spelling for it… i hold copyright.. no copying alright!! 😀

      Ahem, what is the link between hedging dollars and buying cotton? *scratching head to fig out what it means… nope, am lost…*

      work inspires i see.. 🙂 Looking fwd to more !!

      • hitchwriter says:

        Lol… your copy right !!!! lol… but hope it means Nice… never mind the spelling !!

        lol…

        I work in a cotton exporting company… and hence I buy cotton and sell and hedge dollars… !! 🙂

  16. Lively says:

    I observed, majority of the commenters here are ‘she’ s too 😉 That must be the motivation for this post.

    Me – Charms of Hitchy… what to do… !!!! 😛 😛 😛 and I aint complaining… !!!

    regarding motivation for the post was a whole lot of crap i was writing since a long time… so decided to write something abstract.. turned out fiction… !! 😀

  17. oorja says:

    did the header inspire you….?

    superb discription… was very nice.. i could feel the cool breeze and sound of Narmada nearby… too good….

    the way it was going it sounded that it might not end just as a happy story but i am glad it did…. 🙂

    Me – Not the header.. infact the story compelled me to find a new header… Header courtesy google images..

    I dont think I can write sad stories a lot… I dont like sad stories either…

  18. shraddha says:

    that was terrific to read! i like this girl!!

    also i see that you have changed your style of replying to comments! very cool!!!

    Me – somehow I m tired of my avatar… so I dont like to see my face again and again… all the girls now suddenly looks so much more pretty… 😉

    I like this girl too btw !!! 😀

  19. Deeps says:

    Beautiful,Hitchy!so very well written!thers so much of positivity in those words!

    Thers no greater joy and satisfaction in realizing that you raised your own standards by believing in yourself 🙂

    Me – I concur with that last line of yours.. … !! glad you like it 🙂

    • Deeps says:

      arre,I had a straightforward thinking only..the header went quite well with this post of yours,isliye poocha!
      No tedha-medha thoughts,re,sachi 😀

  20. Homecooked says:

    The last line is so good! Sounds optimistic and hopeful 🙂 And I like your header again! Looks like you and IHM are competing as to who has the best header for the day 😉

    Me – Homey… i cant write sad stuff… and I am full of optimism !! 😀

    glad u love the header… while Ihm makes her headers… mine is simply choried… !!

  21. Nancy says:

    Dunno why but the word “fresh” springs to mind & tht girl….I seem to know her:-)

    Never knew u wrote stories :-o…….keep ’em flowing!!!!!!

  22. Govind says:

    The setting sun always gives out hope
    it would rise again with better scope
    and we don’t have to eternally grope
    and also that impossible is a big nope.

    Hitchy your story gave me a high of a dope. Excellent choice of words transporting the reader to the scene of action 🙂

  23. Puneet says:

    This is really superb….
    Sense of self achievement in her own silence ..Wow…just like “A pursuit of Happyness” Will Smith gets the job…

    Like others also said for some reason I also felt that she is gonna jump into the river….non writeristic thinking….che che….

  24. umsreflections says:

    So gud, so wonderful – My God !!! Hitch, your fiction rocks.

    Just loved the way she ran on the grass banks of Narmada !!!!

    Believing in yourself is the best way to be !!! WOW !!!

    Just liked the whole narrative and the way, the story flowed.

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