tHe DoWrY tHaT wEnT aWrY


Just read Solilo Don’s post about her dad and the comment banter led me to the topic of dowry and an idea for a post brewed up….


Now yours truly had a love marriage, the love came into the open a tad early when yours truly was earning only Rs. 3000/- a month… so obviously when the girls dad came to know about it he is bound to have lots of problems with this fact…


He shows her MBA grooms earning fat 5 figure salaries and says prefer them to this a lowly…. she says Dad we are like HDFC slow and steady but always growing…  ( HDFC = Hetal Dhiren Fabulous Couple) :mrgreen:


Eventually a few interviews later the lowly Bcom finds a job good enough to support himself and her… Now comes the marriage talk part…


Mom is like.. how can i approach directly…

some one must arrange a meeting…

I was tooo snooty… I didnt like my mom’s hesitation… (they were richer than us, so what !!)

I kicked my bike…


off to her house and in total hero style that day… went and told her dad… We both love each other and have decided to spend our lives together… !!! We seek your permission… !! Here I was in a jeans and t-shirt, unshaven but with lots of gusto… 😀


He was taken aback… but recovered to his senses and well,  seeked to meet my Mom.  Things took care of themselves there after… I wanted a civil marriage with no relatives… only me my wife and my brothers parents and my friends… Not that I hated my relatives… but involving more people meant this is to be done and that is not to be done etc.. plus KHARCHA … I was very clear… whatever kind of wedding I had… but I had to have a good honeymoon… I didnt want any scarcity there… but alas….   My FIL didnt want a hush-hush affair…


So we had a proper wedding as my wife didnt want to disappoint her dad before leaving their house…


Yours truly became total Kangaal in that wedding… coz he had barely started earning …. Borrowed money for the honeymoon too from a friend… !!!! sigh… !!! but had a lavish honeymoon nevertheless… 😀 😀 😀


I remember when we three brothers were growing people would always joke with our parents that we have no kharcha… that you have 3 boys… !!! 🙂


When I was growing up in those days we would have lots of TV programs where they would show DIL’s burnt and harassed when they didnt bring dowry etc…  So we did desist dowry but at the same time I was clear in my mind that although I wont demand dowry… I am sure I would be given tons of gifts…. I was drooling at that thought…. 🙂


Even when we went to get my wedding card printed I was seriously telling my mom to write that dont come without gifts to the wedding….. but sanity prevailed…


Uniquely enough in our caste wedding, the daughters dad doesnt have too much kharcha, the bride sits in the wedding wearing all clothes and jewellery that the boy’s side family have given to her… only the nose ring for the girl comes from her father’s family (the nose ring is symbolic that she is to keep the nose meaning respect of her Dad’s house in the new family, Fortunately for my FIL my wife doesnt have a nose pierced… so that kharcha of his was also saved…)


Admist all the chaos the two Samdhi’s had not decided how to marry in Jain style (my religion) or Hindu style (her religion) and strangely enough both my parents and her parents were not very clear about how and what to do… so eventually we ended up doing a wedding in Arya samaj vidhi which the pandit did all by himself…… everything went fine… untill the wedding got over and everyone started asking … arre… mera phera to aaya hi nahi… so while we stopped after 4 fera’s…. they made us do another 3 !!!!! The pandit kept grumbling all the time.. coz my friends had pelted him with a gazillion flowers specifically targetting him…. 😀


I still dont remember what any of my side relatives gave me… all I can remember is that they all kept giving gifts to my wife (jewellery) … which she claims as “Stree Dhan”… I so many times coax her to sell it all and invest in shares but she wont…


Even my Mom she didnt give me a gift for my wedding…. but kept giving her tons of jewellery and sarees… !!!! (yes yours truly paid for a fair few of  them too)


The one gift my brothers gave me was a beautiful photo frame… which the idiots liked too much so they thought they would gift it to me and it would adorn the drawing room walls !!!!!!!!  (some gift that) :mrgreen:


Yes… a couple of good souls gifted the his and her watches… they were the only saving grace… most gifted me with cups and saucers and night lamps and what not…. so many just gave us flowers… yelch… !!!!! What a waste… show me the money honey… !!!


I had hopes I would get gifts…. I had hopes I would get dowry …. after all I was the boy !!!!!!!   However as they say truth is stranger than fiction…


At the end of the entire wedding what I received was 2 pairs of clothes from my In-laws, (they were gifting a suit I didnt take as i wouldnt wear so they gifted two pairs) one Gold Chain and would you believe it… one Godrej Storewell Cupboard… and inspite of me saying no zillion times they would gift their daughter with a cupboard… !!!!


So you tell me what kind of dowry is this ???   2 pairs of clothes, 1 chain that i dont wear and 1 Cupboard ???? 😦


I told her so many times… tell your dad if he wants to give something give me his car… why the heck is he hell bent upon giving me a goddamn cupboard ????


Now Sol’s …. she was 48 kgs when i married her… and she is a lot more now… !!!! Cant mention the weight exactly coz she will make me sleep outside the house… 😳


You know an amazing thing was captured by our photographer…. after the bidaai… where everyone was crying and we left… the photo grapher kept shooting and he shot my wife’s brother and dad both laughing…. almost immediately after we had left…  !!!!!!!!!!!

(were they all pretending ????? OMG )


Whether it was some joke or were they laughing on me…. sigh…. I will never know…. !!!!! 😦



Maybe they were thinking on the lines….    “Yeh to khud hi aa ke le gaya… humko to dhoondna bhi nahi pada… huh ??”


Malfunctions in the search engines…


I read this post of rakesh a long time back… and this post of gappa

ever since I read those posts I wanted to do this post for my own blog… terms people use to search to come to my blog… and while rakesh did help to do it on blogger I never was able to do it.. but in WordPress its much easier…


A search of quite a few amazing things leads people to my blog :


  • “started eating non veg”

if my mom reads this I m gone… really… !!

  • main rota hai main film

ok ok so I cry in movies… even my wife disowns me in the theatre…  but has that fact become so so obvious ???

  • rapegirls

jesus christ !!!! how does that lead people to my blog ??? google is hopeless !!

  • how much does p.chidambaram earn

How in the goddamn freaking way I know bout this ???? huh ??

  • how to write like an intellectual

I think this is the only thing that is right… if you want to write like an intellectual.. come to hitchwriter ! :mrgreen: 😀

  • what do jain gravies have

I seriously dont have a clue… we eat onions, potatoes galore…


and then the scariest of them all !!!! If ever my wife reads this… i m going to be hanging by the hook on the wall !!!!


  • my wife is lazy and boring


yikessssss !!!! who ? how ? where ?? what is this ??? – – i dont have a clue… !!!!


and to add insult to the already so many injuries…


Smitha just told me that some one reached her blog searching out  “Dhiren BHAI ”


sympathies any one ?? sniff… sniff…





Being a father is a rather challenging job. At different stages there are different challenges, these days, my son is near his 5th birthday and has well and truly entered his question anything & everything phase and yes, question all the answers TOO ‘phase.


No matter what is happening, there always is a why ? When you reply there can be a WHERE ?, WHAT ?, HOW ? or a WHY again. When you are not able to reply again, or you don’t know there is again a WHY ? &  than when you refuse to answer you are told,

“Adha tamne to kai khabar nathi.” (dad you don’t know anything in Gujarati)

When you say Yes, I know nothing,



and than

more questions ..

Didn’t you go to school ?

Didn’t you ask your dad questions ?

Didn’t your mom teach you ?


Impossible to beat him eh !


Than suddenly the attention will shift to lets do homework. This is one job that somehow I am blessed with, he writes his stuff very very neatly without stopping or pausing, even drawing keeps him occupied and he gets lost in it.


 However I am one father who never has any ambitions that my son would become a champ in his studies, I have hated studies all my life and I shall be more than happy if my son also dislikes studies. I don’t want him to come first in the class, ever. I think the first rankers are snobs and no arguments on this.


My inner wish is he become India’s fastest bowler ever, and he bounce each and every batsman of the opposing teams, injuring them and giving them the scare of their lives. I have had enough of opposing teams always bouncing our players and hitting them. (however the pitches these days scare me if taking up fast bowling is a wise option).


However so far I have not forced him to play cricket, it seems he doesn’t like it, coz when cricket comes he cannot watch his cartoons. This is one area where I and my son cant seem to agree. We fight over the remote, while he used to win always earlier, slowly but surely now he has started to allow me to watch cricket !


I at times am sure he will not become a cricketer as my Mom wanted me to study all her life and I never did, she wanted me to be a ranker but never after 5th grade I could manage being in the top 20. However whether he becomes a fast bowler (please son, India needs you) or a leg spinner is not in my hands but to fantasize about it is surely my right !!


However I sincerely hope he can be something that he will enjoy doing. Earn while doing something he loves & not something he loathes and I am sorry but it is beyond me how can a person enjoy stiching patients, or making audit reports, or fixing bugs in the computer or machinery or making presentations on excel sheets or by hosting dinners to sell cotton.


I am sure fun is in what Sachin, Veeru & Ishant do, in what Bryan Adams or Rehman do, in what Sonu Nigam or Kay Kay do, in what Zakir Hussain does, in what painters or photographers do. Surely fun is in jobs of Rajdeep Sardesai or that guy in the series Man v/s Wild on National Geographic. Surely Chetan Bhagat’s or Veer Sanghvi’s enjoy their work more than me, fun surely is in lives of travel writers, movie critics but it surely is not in offices where you reach after becoming a Doctor or CA or an Engineer.


God, I have a tendency of veering away from the subject. However, coming back to some of the few other challenges :

Son : Lets say ABC (alphabets)

Me : Ok, ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ (that’s easy we say it together)

Son : Adha, A says Apple. Me : rite. Son : B says Banana, C says Chikoo, D says… Adha, which fruit starts from D ??

Me : mmm Dry fruits !!

Son : That is not a fruit, there are so many dry fruits…

Me : Oh… who told you ?

Son : I know

Me : well D se…. (scratching my head) [ Wait dear son, so many people reading my blog, yes readers, will you tell me what fruit starts with a D and a E and a H and a Q and X and Y a Z please…. Urgently needed. ] I am at wits end. No dear readers, its not a for apple, b for ball, c for cat naah not so easy, its fruits starting from each alphabet… these new generation kids I tell you.. All we used to say as kids was  mango, orange, banana, papaya… we didnt even know kiwi fruits existed !  


You think a father’s life is easy, think again !!


& hey dont you think it ends with just fruits !

No no no…. its not just this…. You also have to name 5 animals/insects/birds with each alphabet. Fruits and vegetables starting with each alphabet.


Then ofcourse in between there is translation, wanna know what ???




Son : Adha, What do you call a Hyena in gujarati ?

Me : Zarakh.

Son : Hindi ?

Me : Lakkadbagga.

Son : Kutchi ?

Me : Hriday, I don’t know. ( sometimes he takes, I don’t know as an answer )

Son : Adha what do we call a platypus in gujarati ?

Me : Platypus only, its not an animal found in Gujarat so it doesn’t have a gujarati name.

Son : Don’t just say anything, you don’t know anything.

Son : Adha, what do you call a Dinosaur in Gujarati ?

Me : Hriday, lets stop this, we will sing poems.

Geeee, my life is in an intelligence crisis. Dinosaur in Hindi anyone ?? Platypus in hindi anyone ?? There are more… Walrus, Dugong, Hedgehog ….


My parents were really smart to not introduce me to any other animals other than cat, dog, cow, goat, buffalo or lion, tiger, fox, cheetah, elephant… but those damn animal books me and my wife brought thinking of educating him…..


We forgot we weren’t qualified enough to get such books.


Than suddenly : Son : “Adha, when will we go to see Dinosaurs ?”

Me : Hriday, dinosaurs don’t exist, they all died years ago.

Son : Don’t lie.

Me : Really, one meteor came from the space on the earth and there was a big explosion and the atmosphere got very hot and they all died, now they don’t exist !

Son : waaaaaa….. sob sob…. I want to see Dinosaurs….. (weeping)


Boss is this a reason to cry ? Dinosaurs died years ago, what can I do ?? (no matter what, he has to see them he won’t stop wailing if you say the animal is dead.) I am going to kill this Steven Spielberg for making that silly Jurassic movie…. And the channels who keep showing that movie and all the dinosaur cartoons, the kid is obsessed with dinosaurs !!! I don’t know whats with this new generation kids and dinosaurs, can’t they be like us as kids just be happy with the puppy on the roadside or a cat ! If we saw a pet rabbit somewhere we would be as pleased as punch.


This new generation wants a T-rex as a pet !!!!!!! No matter what you tell him he will not stop, eventually ok ok, they exist in Africa and we will go to Africa and see them.


Son : When will we go to Africa ?

Me : Son, we don’t have a passport so we cannot go now.

Son : When will we get a passport ?

Me : Son, we have to go to Bharuch for that, our residence proof is there.

Son : But we live in Indore ! Me : But we have no proof that we live in Indore !

Son : Our Chowkidar will tell we live here !!

Me : Ohh… okk… we will get the pass port soon… ok…. Ok

Son : Dad… now we say Ka, Kha, Ga in hindi… Nahheeeeeeeeeee…… geee….

 While I learn Hindi Barakhdi….. its ta ‘da until next time buddies…. Like I said its really really challenging !!!! But I am going to overcome the challenges surely !

Btw how many of you can say Ka, Kha Ga fluently by heart ??? just to make me feel a lil better !! perhaps !!